an inspiration to many, but a 'failure' to one. so many look up to me while i frown upon myself. i'm never good enough for myself while my advice is good enough to get folks up and out of their seat, the irony huh?
the optimism i offer most seems to hide from shame when I need a little bit of it for myself.
but where did this all come from? why won't it go away? when will i be 'ready' to accept ALL of my good?...
limbo has become second nature to me but no matter how much i pray , cry and affirm, i always seem to come back right here, to a cozy corner in the living room of life with my cozy armchair, my fuzzy socks and my warm blanket, too afraid to brave the cold that awaits us all in the world.
maybe one day i'll garner up enough courage to start and finish my proposal, or take that one last set of exams. or maybe i'll even be brave enough to stand in front of a class, not an academic one, but a yoga one, and TEACH! who knows if i can even surrender and accept ALL of the love i receive from my mami, sister, friends and my partner. but for now i'll keep 'fighting' and worrying and reminding myself that it's never enough, i'm lazy and will not meet the deadline. i'll stay in fuzzy socks, even if it's 99 degrees out, who cares? =p
from my soul to yours
ache
