paz y mucha luz para todo. peace and light to all.
i pray that 2000 and MINE is yours as well and you are exercising your god-given right of co-creator and creating the life, relationship, job, family, etc you want...
Thanks to all who take the time out to sit and read my words: it means a lot to me. May you all grow as much reading them as I do writing them.
Excess: we are a society of excess and that has been proven time and time again but never so clearly as it has been proven during these last few months where we have seen the economy crumble and where the 'bottom a go drop out' as Marley so eloquently put it in I Shot the Sheriff. We do EVERYTHING excessively: shop, work, drink and even LOVE (yes I said it..and I'll explain why in a minute). The one thing we should be doing more of...LIVING...is being left to smolder on some back burner.We have heard that age-old saying: Everything in excess is bad for you, EVEN LOVE. But Before we focus on the 'excess' we need to focus on the WHY the excess exists in the first place.
I was blessed to sit around with some intelligent, driven, nice men a few months ago, and the topic of 'loving a womyn too much or being too nice to a womyn' came up and I was allll ears. The main argument was that when you are too nice to a womyn or 'love her to much' they don't love you back in return (topic of my previous note) and when you are too nice people (mainly womyn) take you for a sucker. Now although, unfortuantley, there have been many cases where this 'seems' to be true, it is not ALWAYS the case, it's not even the majority. We must dig deep into the core of all of this.
Why are we loving in excess to begin with (when I say 'excess' i mean THE only time when you feel you are loving more, giving more, and when the other person takes you for granted). What is it about YOU that you feel you have to give sooo much of yourself to this other person? Personally, it has to do with many things: your past as a child, your past relationships, etc. To begin: we live in a culture of 'fear': terrorism, terminal diseases, foreclosures, killer african bees (michael moore-lol!) etc. and all this 'fear' has spilled over into our hearts causing us to fear finding REAL love =(. We are so afraid that we won't find the EXACT person we are looking for (I am talking: physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc..to the T) that when we do find someone, pardon me - but 'anyone' -we do almost anything to keep them around.
We give and give and give and we don't have anything left of us =(, anything left for us to admire how beautiful we are, anything so that we can acknowledge that we are children of god and are made of beautiful pure powerful light...this leaves us neglecting ourselves for the sake of love! (are ya catching all the oxymorons in this one note?). We think our feelings are 'deep' so we give so much of ourselves to another person but to me, that's not that deep at all, so this then leaves us drowning in a shallow pool...tough way to go out!!
When we lose ourselves in 'love' (notice the quotation marks) we are doing a dis-service not only to ourselves and to the other person but to LOVE in general. How can you give away what you don't have? That is such a capitalistic notion..it's like borrowing against something that is not all yours..yet. You do that and you end up losing and losing like so many people are doing now a days =(. Even the great Roman empire crumbled!!
We don't have enough of us left to believe in us so the other person doesn't believe in us (follow me?)..they can't!! If I don't believe in me, then no one else will.
Another reason why I think this is happening is because we are exerting so much energy and placing so much of our attention on another maybe because we are 'afraid' to address some deep rooted issues we have within (and trust me..we ALLLL got 'em!). I must admit: it is hard to take a REAL CLOSE MAGNIFIED look within, where you can't 'blame' no one else for things that have occured in your life, how you are feeling, why you are neglecting yourself and focusin so much on this other person etc...We may also feel afraid to show our true selves, our imperfections, our flaws to another so we go around being 'so niiiiccee' and PRETENDING so that they don't see that we aren't perfect. Ummm I don't know if you noticed but NO ONE is perfect, not even the five fingers on our hands are perfect (thank you mami!). But if we are not 'ok' with ourselves (flaws and alllll) then we will never be ok with anyone else being ok with our flaws and allll so we hide and we are nice and we are 'polite' etc etc etc So long as you strive for perfection you will always be that guy that is 'too nice'.
But if I don't go within and find the 'weeds' within and take care of me and love ME then no one else will...they can't and I can't really whole heartedly naturally love anyone either.
Now back to the conversation mentioned above...I chimed in and stated that I would like a partner who has other things going for themselves, not just me not just 'us'...I mean I"m not talking about someone who has a million and one things to handle in their lives and I'm the millionth and one (neglect is NOT any better then smothering) it's about balance folks.
Balance balance balance...
leads me to my next point of imbalance...
There are so many reasons why the scales have been tippin against our favor... I'll address the brothas first...I can't speak for all womyn but I know I can speak for myself and a number of my sister-friends whom I know very well. We do not expect a man to give us 'everything' - pay our bills, take us out to fancy restaurants-be 'too nice' to us, etc (then again, some brothas may have crossed paths with a sistah struggling with her own baggage who needed that treatment at that moment-don't judge her and understand that most womyn are NOT like that)...I can't speak for us all but I can speak for A LOT of womyn and say we don't need that especially IF it's not coupled with one BIG HUGE factor: communication.
if you are taking me out, paying my bills, buying me things but you are not talking to me about your feelings, insecurities, our relationship, etc. then it doesn't mean ish to us.
Why do you feel you have to go out on a limb in the first place? A nice, long, mutual heart to heart (not a lecture, not a 'state of the relationship' conversation) but a nice, organic, heart to heart is worth more than any fine wine, any trip to any country in this world (or even another planet) worth more than any bill you pay: that ish is priceless!!
and WHY are you giving us 'all' of these things. do they fall into your notions of love or are you following someone else's? mmm maybe the media? your father's or your uncles? or what yo' boys tell you? instead of sitting still with you, going within (back to my earlier point) and not following a mold or a pattern, we tend to jump on the band wagon-but I see many of ya-excuse me..US...falling off that wagon and bumping our heads.
Just do what comes naturally, organically, EASY! Love is NOT supposed to be hard. yes it takes work but I'm starting to look at it like a job that i like...no no, one that i 'Love' ;). And YES those really do exist, there are folk who LOVE what they do and some of 'em even get paid money...A LOT of it, to do what they LOVE...but then again we wouldn't know that we are too afraid to even DREAM of that.
Sistahs...I can't leave us out, it would be unfair and 'imbalanced' of me to address our counterparts and not address OUR 'bags'. Don't think it's only the men who feel they are being 'too nice' because lawwwd knows our species loves hard! (please refer to my previous note 'give me the courage to love with an open heart' for more info on this..lmao...sorry practicing for that dissertation in a few years). If you are at the receiving end of all of this and are with a brotha who you may not be feeling as much as he 'seems' to be feeling you then please please be honest with yourself enough to be honest with him and KINDLY let him go, don't lead him on long enough to make him grow bitter and feel he can't be 'nice' to any other womyn for the rest of his life. It takes courage to do that but it pays off, big time, in the long run. If you really like or love this man and feels he may be giving too much of himself then talk to him, help him through those insecurities, those barriers..but ONLY IF you really want this to work and you really love him because not only does it take YEARS to get through both of your 'bags' but it takes a lot of work!!
But some sistahs may not necessarily want to let this man go, she feels 'safe' with him, he is giving her things, may be feeding her ego and telling her nice things-but that is only a train wreck with no survivors (gris! lmao). One person is giving way too much the other person may be ungratefully receiving them and at the end of the day all you got there are all the necessayry ingrediants for a wholelotta resentment =(. Let the brotha go, give him his wings back (the ones he willingly gave you) so that he may soar higher and meet someone who will appreciate him for who he is and what he has got to give.
Ok ya'll I'm starting to ramble, lol. I've been sick for almost two weeks and I think my homeopathic meds are kicking in ;)! But thanks for taking the time out to read my long a#% 'message to self' which I expose to you all. And please trust that I grow and learn as I write, I am still far from where I want to be re: Love, but I'm realizing that that is OK! I am, like my hand and yours: not perfect. But I'm willing to expose myself completely: flaws, sassines, attitude, thin 'vanilla wafer' skin ;), insecurities, power, humility and all so that as I grow you can grow and vice versa...
So continue to Love with an open heart and give only what you can, always leaving enough for yourself. So until we get this right...no no, sorry...until we get this'balanced' and we learn that "Love is or it ain't..thin love ain't love at all"(Toni Morrison).
Ache
i pray that 2000 and MINE is yours as well and you are exercising your god-given right of co-creator and creating the life, relationship, job, family, etc you want...
Thanks to all who take the time out to sit and read my words: it means a lot to me. May you all grow as much reading them as I do writing them.
Excess: we are a society of excess and that has been proven time and time again but never so clearly as it has been proven during these last few months where we have seen the economy crumble and where the 'bottom a go drop out' as Marley so eloquently put it in I Shot the Sheriff. We do EVERYTHING excessively: shop, work, drink and even LOVE (yes I said it..and I'll explain why in a minute). The one thing we should be doing more of...LIVING...is being left to smolder on some back burner.We have heard that age-old saying: Everything in excess is bad for you, EVEN LOVE. But Before we focus on the 'excess' we need to focus on the WHY the excess exists in the first place.
I was blessed to sit around with some intelligent, driven, nice men a few months ago, and the topic of 'loving a womyn too much or being too nice to a womyn' came up and I was allll ears. The main argument was that when you are too nice to a womyn or 'love her to much' they don't love you back in return (topic of my previous note) and when you are too nice people (mainly womyn) take you for a sucker. Now although, unfortuantley, there have been many cases where this 'seems' to be true, it is not ALWAYS the case, it's not even the majority. We must dig deep into the core of all of this.
Why are we loving in excess to begin with (when I say 'excess' i mean THE only time when you feel you are loving more, giving more, and when the other person takes you for granted). What is it about YOU that you feel you have to give sooo much of yourself to this other person? Personally, it has to do with many things: your past as a child, your past relationships, etc. To begin: we live in a culture of 'fear': terrorism, terminal diseases, foreclosures, killer african bees (michael moore-lol!) etc. and all this 'fear' has spilled over into our hearts causing us to fear finding REAL love =(. We are so afraid that we won't find the EXACT person we are looking for (I am talking: physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc..to the T) that when we do find someone, pardon me - but 'anyone' -we do almost anything to keep them around.
We give and give and give and we don't have anything left of us =(, anything left for us to admire how beautiful we are, anything so that we can acknowledge that we are children of god and are made of beautiful pure powerful light...this leaves us neglecting ourselves for the sake of love! (are ya catching all the oxymorons in this one note?). We think our feelings are 'deep' so we give so much of ourselves to another person but to me, that's not that deep at all, so this then leaves us drowning in a shallow pool...tough way to go out!!
When we lose ourselves in 'love' (notice the quotation marks) we are doing a dis-service not only to ourselves and to the other person but to LOVE in general. How can you give away what you don't have? That is such a capitalistic notion..it's like borrowing against something that is not all yours..yet. You do that and you end up losing and losing like so many people are doing now a days =(. Even the great Roman empire crumbled!!
We don't have enough of us left to believe in us so the other person doesn't believe in us (follow me?)..they can't!! If I don't believe in me, then no one else will.
Another reason why I think this is happening is because we are exerting so much energy and placing so much of our attention on another maybe because we are 'afraid' to address some deep rooted issues we have within (and trust me..we ALLLL got 'em!). I must admit: it is hard to take a REAL CLOSE MAGNIFIED look within, where you can't 'blame' no one else for things that have occured in your life, how you are feeling, why you are neglecting yourself and focusin so much on this other person etc...We may also feel afraid to show our true selves, our imperfections, our flaws to another so we go around being 'so niiiiccee' and PRETENDING so that they don't see that we aren't perfect. Ummm I don't know if you noticed but NO ONE is perfect, not even the five fingers on our hands are perfect (thank you mami!). But if we are not 'ok' with ourselves (flaws and alllll) then we will never be ok with anyone else being ok with our flaws and allll so we hide and we are nice and we are 'polite' etc etc etc So long as you strive for perfection you will always be that guy that is 'too nice'.
But if I don't go within and find the 'weeds' within and take care of me and love ME then no one else will...they can't and I can't really whole heartedly naturally love anyone either.
Now back to the conversation mentioned above...I chimed in and stated that I would like a partner who has other things going for themselves, not just me not just 'us'...I mean I"m not talking about someone who has a million and one things to handle in their lives and I'm the millionth and one (neglect is NOT any better then smothering) it's about balance folks.
Balance balance balance...
leads me to my next point of imbalance...
There are so many reasons why the scales have been tippin against our favor... I'll address the brothas first...I can't speak for all womyn but I know I can speak for myself and a number of my sister-friends whom I know very well. We do not expect a man to give us 'everything' - pay our bills, take us out to fancy restaurants-be 'too nice' to us, etc (then again, some brothas may have crossed paths with a sistah struggling with her own baggage who needed that treatment at that moment-don't judge her and understand that most womyn are NOT like that)...I can't speak for us all but I can speak for A LOT of womyn and say we don't need that especially IF it's not coupled with one BIG HUGE factor: communication.
if you are taking me out, paying my bills, buying me things but you are not talking to me about your feelings, insecurities, our relationship, etc. then it doesn't mean ish to us.
Why do you feel you have to go out on a limb in the first place? A nice, long, mutual heart to heart (not a lecture, not a 'state of the relationship' conversation) but a nice, organic, heart to heart is worth more than any fine wine, any trip to any country in this world (or even another planet) worth more than any bill you pay: that ish is priceless!!
and WHY are you giving us 'all' of these things. do they fall into your notions of love or are you following someone else's? mmm maybe the media? your father's or your uncles? or what yo' boys tell you? instead of sitting still with you, going within (back to my earlier point) and not following a mold or a pattern, we tend to jump on the band wagon-but I see many of ya-excuse me..US...falling off that wagon and bumping our heads.
Just do what comes naturally, organically, EASY! Love is NOT supposed to be hard. yes it takes work but I'm starting to look at it like a job that i like...no no, one that i 'Love' ;). And YES those really do exist, there are folk who LOVE what they do and some of 'em even get paid money...A LOT of it, to do what they LOVE...but then again we wouldn't know that we are too afraid to even DREAM of that.
Sistahs...I can't leave us out, it would be unfair and 'imbalanced' of me to address our counterparts and not address OUR 'bags'. Don't think it's only the men who feel they are being 'too nice' because lawwwd knows our species loves hard! (please refer to my previous note 'give me the courage to love with an open heart' for more info on this..lmao...sorry practicing for that dissertation in a few years). If you are at the receiving end of all of this and are with a brotha who you may not be feeling as much as he 'seems' to be feeling you then please please be honest with yourself enough to be honest with him and KINDLY let him go, don't lead him on long enough to make him grow bitter and feel he can't be 'nice' to any other womyn for the rest of his life. It takes courage to do that but it pays off, big time, in the long run. If you really like or love this man and feels he may be giving too much of himself then talk to him, help him through those insecurities, those barriers..but ONLY IF you really want this to work and you really love him because not only does it take YEARS to get through both of your 'bags' but it takes a lot of work!!
But some sistahs may not necessarily want to let this man go, she feels 'safe' with him, he is giving her things, may be feeding her ego and telling her nice things-but that is only a train wreck with no survivors (gris! lmao). One person is giving way too much the other person may be ungratefully receiving them and at the end of the day all you got there are all the necessayry ingrediants for a wholelotta resentment =(. Let the brotha go, give him his wings back (the ones he willingly gave you) so that he may soar higher and meet someone who will appreciate him for who he is and what he has got to give.
Ok ya'll I'm starting to ramble, lol. I've been sick for almost two weeks and I think my homeopathic meds are kicking in ;)! But thanks for taking the time out to read my long a#% 'message to self' which I expose to you all. And please trust that I grow and learn as I write, I am still far from where I want to be re: Love, but I'm realizing that that is OK! I am, like my hand and yours: not perfect. But I'm willing to expose myself completely: flaws, sassines, attitude, thin 'vanilla wafer' skin ;), insecurities, power, humility and all so that as I grow you can grow and vice versa...
So continue to Love with an open heart and give only what you can, always leaving enough for yourself. So until we get this right...no no, sorry...until we get this'balanced' and we learn that "Love is or it ain't..thin love ain't love at all"(Toni Morrison).
Ache
Each time you love
ReplyDeletelove as deeply
as if it were
forever
only nothing is
eternal.
-"For Each of You" by Audre Lorde