Monday, May 4, 2009

Where, how, WHY do I begin...

It's Monday, May 4th (already!), it's 8:55pm and I'm sitting in my purple room, with my purple hoody and purple socks (can ya tell I like the color?..thanks gris). I don't even know where to start, I'm nervous because it's the first time I'm exposing my writing (aka myself) to the public. Although I am not sure who the heck will read this 'random' site it's still a bit nervewrecking to know that my ish will be out 'there' in cyberspace (oooo it's like mentioning  el cuco-you ARE dominican if you just laughed at that). But for real ya, it's pretty nervewrecking, yes because of  the proverbial boogie monster we call cyberspace, but because my writing is very personal to me. Now i've tried my hand in the academic type and that ish hasn't made me happy one bit, it's something about having to detach my feelings and my corazoncito from my writing, it's kind a schizo if you ask me, as if I'm two people: one is migue running through the field of daisies with my curly ass fro' blowing in the wind feeling the grass blades caress my skinny ankles. The one who understands that the world is a bit unbalanced and lacking L O V E and all she's trying to do is leave it in better shape then it was in when she chose to enter it that hot August evening. The other is the migue with the white lab coat, pocket protector sitting in a cold, flourescent-lit office hearing the hum of the computer and the fake 'academic' laughs outside my office, she's the one trying to write sentences that are not run on, that do not start with I or have the words 'feel' 'believe' or 'know' in them.  Trying to use big, SAT/GRE words (it's called jargon lol) like deindustrialization, dilapidated, ad hoc, marginalized and my all time favorite: juxtaposition. (now which migue do you think I wanna  be?).
In a world where we've been asked to detach ourselves from how we feel, what our guts are telling us and has us all (but mainly sistahs) believing that to feel and to be emotional is irrational i hope this space becomes one where i am one, you are one reading this and commenting and as you leave you feel even more whole then when you logged on. I just want a space where I can express myself, work on my creative writing and touch a few lives, just as so many have touched and shaped mine.
I must warn you all, like me, my writing is pretty random. So you will see that my grammar is not 'proper' (it AIN't jargon, thank god! lol), I cuss like a sailor, my topics will most likely vary from gentrification in Bushwick, to sex, to growing up Latina in the U.S. to reminiscing about the chocolate milk they served us in NYC public schools. I ask that you all read my work with the same 'randomness' in which I write; with an open heart ready for any and everything. free of labels, judgements and expectations.
Thanks to all those who took the time out to read this lil bit o'me and thanks in advance for those who chose, or will choose to take this journey with me.
To my peoples who always remind me that I 'have a way with words' you all will never know how much words like that mean to me (more than complimenting my stilettos, or my funky bags or my music-yes even my music!) you all appreciating my writing means the world to me...

My dream is to write from my heart for a living, nothing fancy just day-to-day stuff about stuff lol. Just something to remind folks that they are not alone, they are not the only ones living life and experiencing the ups and downs of growth. I am not afraid to expose my heart to the world,to show my triumphs and losses, my fears shame and lack but my love optimism and faith as well. Although some of you don't feel as comfy doing so,  it's ok!!  that's why God sent folks like me into the world, so we can air out our dirty laundry and spare you from having to show us your granny panties.
I don't know HOW that dream will come to fruition but I've learned that the HOW is none of my business, all I must do is trust the universe and understand that all things are happening as they are supposed to and I must walk by faith and not by sight.

if not now then when?...right?...RIGHT!
ache

4 comments:

  1. Hermanita!

    Thanks so much for this. I am sooo proud of you for tapping within and reaching for the light that shines so bright within you.

    Keep it going, and never stop healing Self and others...

    love, light and ancetor's protection...

    Your twin flame, Gri

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  2. I love it!! You are an amazing spirit!! What a blessing it is to have you as a friend!!

    Thank you for reminding me that the Goddess lies within me.

    I think it's time for me to crack open the cocoon and become the butterfly I always dreamed of.

    By the way, purple makes me feel the EXACT same way. A power color for a powerful mujer!!

    Gracias, hermana!!
    BP

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  3. I think we share similar paths, hermana!! Just a thought!! :)

    Agustina taught me that the one thing we fear the most is the one thing we want the most. You fear writing but that is the very thing you want to do the most. Your path is destined and now you are doing just that. I think you are a very powerful writer and I look forward to many great entries! You have much to share with the world and we are ready to listen!!

    God Bless!!

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  4. I love you sis. Thank you so much for sharing and in turn enabling others the opportunity to not feel alone or crazy! You always bring a smile to my heart whenever I share a space with you, even cyberspace! Indeed, you do have a way with words and I feel blessed to have my eyes fall upon them.
    This is great!! Keep going, you got fans already!!

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